* THIS POST IS JUST ABOUT ME.
*ENLEN, THE COMPANY I CO-STARTED IS RUNNING WELL AND I STILL GET UPDATES FROM THE OTHER 2 FOUNDERS OF THE COMPANY. ONLY I AM NOT PART OF IT ANYMORE.
109 days is the time since I last blogged. I started blogging when I took the entrepreneurial path but it was not deliberate. I needed an outlet to talk about the difference in life outside the cubicle and blogging served me well. The pride of walking through uncharted territory, the childhood like freedom, the slow realization that money and status are over-valued, admiration from a few and equal disapproval from a few others, the small mistakes and the joy of learning from them, learning to live with little money and still getting things done, being optimistic in spite of all odds; everything was something I needed to share with the world.
And now, all of that is past. I am back where I was before I started. I no more plant trees. I no more work towards bettering the state of our planet. I no more talk business. I am no more a change agent. I no more am an entrepreneur.
Why did I quit? Typical pressures that most startuppers face. Societal, parental, monetary pressures. My best friends didn't think I would break under pressure. But I did break. More than everything else, somewhere along the line, I lost sight of the purpose for which I really had started out. Now, I am just looking for a little bit of peace. I don't want to think about money, I don't want any more of the 'where are you headed?' question. Working for someone else seemed a good option now.
Working for others has a unique character. I can now work for 12 hours straight with full dedication, come back home and forget the office entirely until the next morning. I can just do one thing at a time. Sometimes, monotonicity feels better. It is just a change in perspective that is required. In my earlier avatar as employee, I used to think about salary hikes, leaves, working hours and office politics. Now, all I think is whether I am doing a good job or not. Instead of thinking about tomorrow, I am just trying to live in the present. To just do my job and do it well.
Most of my friends ask me; whether I'll start something again? Ever? My answer is; I'll fix myself first. Then I'll think about fixing the world. I don't feel ready yet.