Ashwin Upadhyaya's Blog

As evil as it may seem to some, I now believe in that statement. It does not mean that I would put an atom bomb or something on a city. It just means that I don’t have to feel guilty for not sacrificing my life for the good of others in this world.

I once believed that working for ‘someone else (like a large company)’ was not good for me. I would often ask ‘What am I doing with my life wasting all my energy for the sake of another company?’. I’d think ‘Couldn’t I do something useful and improve this world rather than just doing work which someone else tells me to do?’. Then, I tried to live my dreams, started a company with friends and did some things I believed were good for this world.

The challenges in doing good are immensely large and I have already written a lot about this in those entrepreneurial days. It was not easy. Realism overcame my idealism. I stopped, reset myself and went back to where I was working before.

I felt guilty for a long time for quitting something which I thought was the only right thing. But this served as a lesson and now I have realized. There is only one thing which I have control on. It is, the work I do and I will do it well. I do not have any control on its result.

If the world is doomed for disaster because of humans’ utter disregard for its environment, so be it. I will plant a few trees though, every year, not to prevent the earth from doom but just because I feel it is right to do so.

If my country is sinking in corruption, then so be it. I will still not pay any bribes though, not to uplift my country but just because it would hurt my conscience.

And with this realization of reality, I now love my work as well. All I now have to think is whether I am enjoying the work I do and the answer is ‘Yes’. Since I have no need to think about the usefulness of my work to this world, I am relieved of a great burden.

In the end,

The words are not good for the secret meaning, everything always becomes a bit different, as soon as it is put into words, gets distorted a bit, a bit silly…. what is one man’s treasure and wisdom always sounds like foolishness to another person.

- Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha

7:00 AM, BMTC Bus: Conductor takes Rs.3 and tells me not to ask for a ticket so that the money goes into his pocket.
8:00 AM, Office Canteen: A colleague tells his story. That he is constructing a house, has all documents for the same, yet he is harassed by a local goon for money. If he doesn’t pay, the goon threatens to stop water supply to his house.
3:00 PM, On the phone: Wife tells me that her passport application got rejected for lack of documents. She had 5 and they needed a 6th. (I’m happy that at least there wasn’t any demand for bribes)
5:00 PM, BMTC Bus: Same story as 7:00 AM.
Next day, the events are different but the pattern is same. And the pattern continues almost every day. Red tape and corruption is part of life. Everybody talks about it, writes about it and corruption shows no sign of decreasing. Rather, it is the opposite that is happening.
Gandhi, Nehru, Bose and the people of their time had a name for the evil during their times. The British East India Company. What name do we have? Whom do we drive out so that we can live peaceful lives? The ones responsible for all the corruption speak our same language, eat the same food as us and wear the same clothes as us. When corruption is the power that really rules, how does it matter whether party A is in power or party B. The bureaucracy and its corruption remains same and the common man just has to make peace with it.
I sometimes think how India’s history will be viewed 500 years from now. Probably they would say, there were the Guptas, the Chalukyas, Cholas, Pandyas, Rashtrakutas and the Vijayanagara empire, then there were the Mughals and Marathas for 200 years, then the British for 200 years and then there was a corrupt republic for 300 years. In India’s long history, this is not at all impossible. Even though one may think that the present is not that bad, history has always been a comparison between nations at a particular point in time. For example, Europe was said to be in a war ravaged and starved condition until two centuries ago while India was considered to be relatively rich until then. A similar comparison would be done 500 years hence.
I generally start writing a topic and try to conclude it at the end. But not today, for Who knows when we will get rid of this evil.

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